Day 106 – Fearless

These reflections are based upon a book study started in 2014 with Rolf Gates’ Meditations from the Mat.  We are going into our third year.  I am grateful for all my teachers, seen and unseen, who bring wisdom and works and words of inspiration to me.

Day 106 – Rolf describes the process of undertaking the work of isvara-pranidhana, and promises that it doesn’t matter where or how you start, one day you will wak up and “you are no longer at the beginning.” He describes how your “desired deity” is at the center of your life your friends’ lives, and you have supports in place to remain that way. He describes how the next step for him was to learn “to love the entire universe and everything in it.”

Devotion. Authenticity. Truth. Love. Immersion. Ascention. Trust. Faith. This seems to be all these things wrapped up in one.
Today’s yoga practice (which was blissful 90 minutes unto myself and my pace in a mostly empty house) involved work on my 3rd chakra. I come from a place of Love, but I have had a very hard time empowering others or even feeling empowering myself, maybe just because I’m dealing with so many health issues and doubts. Because I am walking the path of empowerment in my many roles, i.e., yoga teacher, middle school teacher, parent, wife, etc., I am dealing with normal feelings of doubt: am I authentic? am I walking the walk fully? am I loving and kind to others? am I giving? am I okay with receiving? am I shining forth or dragging others into my doubt? Most people probably know these sentiments and what a struggle it is to balance one’s physical well-being with mental and spiritual well-being, especially when they have been intertwined one’s whole life. I know that society plays a role here, too, with the need to keep moving and doing more, more, more.
Needless to say, the focus on the 3rd chakra was, for the most part, completely selfish (I am) and I usually don’t work from here being that it is the powerhouse of our bodies, the fire, the Leo, the sun. I usually feel I radiate from here quite naturally; however, I am knowing of myself. I am dealing with fear and that I can work on while I take my hiatus from other life-affirming activities. Rolf describes that his process of learning to “cherish every soul, every flower” through asana. He writes: “In asana practice we learn to cherish each breath, to cherish every cell in our bodies. The time we spend on the mat is love in action.” Once I am able to heal and trust myself again, I think I will be able to shine outwardly and give more of myself again and there will be joy in justing doing that.

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