Day 132 – Rolf states that the foundation of his spiritual life is gratitude, his connection “to the real, to the good vibration, to the universe.” Gratitude is starting point and this, he asserts, is kama, “the joy of the jourrney, the sense of wonder at the symphony that is life.”
This morning I awoke to a fugue that is a teenager. I got out of bed and hit the ground running, trying temper being a mother with being a human–something I’m not sure is possible at 4 a.m. After a series of battles and every adult in the house waking up to it followd by a spewing forth of curse words, we (the teenager and I) settled into a 20 min. yin, something my body ardantly needed after dance class last night.
In this reading, Rolf explains how “when we are swept up in the challenges of dharma and artha, it is easy to become very serious. Wading through our habitual reactions, our fears, our pride, our anger, we come to see spiritual life as duty to be endured.” Gratitude brings our spiritual work into balance.
Today, I am grateful for these words that remind me that I have a teenage daughter to frustrate me and challenge my delicate balance. I am grateful to the yin practice that teaches me how to settle into relaxation (no easy chore for tight muscles and frustrated mind and troubled spirit). I am grateful that I have another opportunity to react differently tomorrow (or maybe even today).
My lesson today is recognizing that gratitude is truly hard for me without a sprinkle of sarcasm. Sometimes saying the things I am grateful for makes me feel a little disingenuous. I recognize that this is mostly shaming–I feel undeserved of the abundance of love around me and I get made at myself for getting mad. Asana and pranayama truly help slow the mind down and make gratitude possible.