Maturity and moving slower than you’d like

Day 151 – Rolf asks us to experience our handicaps today fully and gratefully. In our daily practice, our aim against the harsh world is maturity. He writes: “We want to be dependable and wise, loving and brave. We want to abide calmly, see clearly, and be of service.” Rolf suggests, then, on the mat, we experience all of our handicaps–“the resistance, the fear, the pain, and the possibility of growth.”
Today on the mat, I couldn’t decide what to do. Last night I dreamed I was doing kick-baby-punch-baby again on the porch (TurboFire). Part of me wanted to do a very active hour of vinyasa (the part of me that says I’m too fat, can’t move, and otherwise engaged and not able to workout tonight), but the achy joints in me asked me to settle into a restorative type practice. When movement isn’t fun and it hurts, how does one embrace it? This reading was meant for me. Fast-paced movement focused my mind some few years ago, got me ready for the day.
My morning practices have turned inward, hopefully matured a little. I settled into a nice restorative practice, taking long deep breaths and noting my aches and pains, not completely ignoring them and working them out through movement, but rather embracing them for what they are this morning. Oh, I can’t bend around my legs to grab my feet and round my back? Oh, my left leg it aching? Oh, I need a block to get into child’s pose? I am grateful that I can practice at all sometimes, and yes, this morning.
The demons that most women (and many men) face exist in me every morning: fears of inadequacy, shortness of time, and harried existence. Today I stopped and smelled the roses. Intentions are good, but not to the detriment of all else. Let my unconscious dream away, but wisdom and maturity tells me to feed my soul more slowly, some days more than others. I often tell my yoga students: “Move slower than you want to.” It isn’t often that I heed this advice, but I’m maturing.

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