Day 250 – I am a dreamer. I brainstorm. I doodle. I create goals and microgoals. I love the process of planning–even as a teacher. I spend hours researching and thinking about what I am teaching, doing, learning, reading, and looking at the calendar to set dates of when I should be done. I listen to organizing podcasts, seek out motivational videos, and collect DIY/self-help books and positive affirmations. And, when I am focused, I meet goals, but usually I don’t, especially ones related to decluttering, saving money, and sticking to one schedule. I improv a lot; I am happy because I am not particularly gratified by reaching a goal, only by taking time to think about it and plan for it. I know if I really wanted it, I could achieve it and I wouldn’t have to write it down.
Therefore, today’s reading was (again) right up my alley and pertinently happenstanced within my present life. Like mountain pose, in yoga, shavasana holds a literal and metaphorical place in life’s thrills and spills and one’s presence within the everyday. Rolf writes of shavasana: “We oppose the goal-driven striving of the Western world with deep stillness.” Further, he challenges us to consider what it means to have nothing to attain. What if health and happiness were all that were truly in my 30-day PUSH journal? What if I have decided to focus on love and kindness? What if the new habits I wish to manifest were to this end?
Maybe. Maybe, just maybe, this whole year has been more about this than decluttering, organizing, being efficient, seeking out positivity, taking time to #letgo and learning to rest, seeking out time in Nature and with those I love, complaining and worrying less, doing less exercise but doing it better, being more open and grateful, reflecting on all that I have? What if just being present as much as I can–even to the pain or sorrow life sometimes (or often) brings–is me, as yogi’s in shavasana–encountering “undoing”?