Day 178 – Today’s reading is about nonstealing, asteya, which Rolf equates to faithlessness. This is the stem of our blocks; Rolf writes: “Our faithlessness blocks our growth. Our faithlessness steals the moment away, from ourselves and from the universe.”
Yesterday, Fred went to the doctor again, pretty much on my insistence. The doctor did a echo on his heart because of his complaints of shortness of breath and found anonamalies and he is scheduled for more testing. This reading makes sense to me in that I live constantly in fear that stifles and shuts me down. It is not the fear of unknown, but fear of untimely death. I have no faith in the universe, at times, because “faith” is a politicized, Christian word, which many people use interchangeably with “G”od and “the System.”
Today, I settled into an antsy yin practice and tried to allow myself to breathe deeply and let myself breathe. Restless in my sleep (just after hearing what the doctor said) and restless in my soreness, I tried to just breathe and let my mind be still. Questions and concerns popped up, so I readjusted to first sensation. I let go into this practice, so much so it is hard to recall even what I did a few minutes later.
In any case, off the mat, I can only do what Rolf suggests: “Let go into the right action, and let that be enough.” This is the proverbial posture that I reside in. Rolf advises us to let go of our “thousand concerns” and answers will come to us.