Day 190 – Rolf writes that the “distance between discontent and contentment is bridged by the willingness to be honest and to work hard.” On the one hand, santosa, commitment, should be an easy thing, especially when we are aware of so many things to be thankful for in our life. Rolf contends that this is not so simple because we “live in an ever-changing world that seems dedicated to providing us with opportunities for discontent.”
This reading really makes me see that discontent comes from our neurological and chemical make-up, our fight or flight, our mind’s little tricks to be better at things. It is quite hard to stay in the moment and be okay with just being. We strive for more, push toward more, and are pushed toward more. I really love this idea that the bridge between contentment and discontent is hard work (don’t we all work hard at what we love and believe in) and the willingness to be honest. I can be honest that there are a lot of things that I fear and that fear holds me back.
On the mat and off, I will continue to ask this: Am I willing to be honest? What do I need to be honest about? What fears am I harboring that hold me back from santosa?
It’s sort of funny because, in my understanding, where I am most content is crossfit. When the inflammatory responses hits–the bad one–not just muscle soreness, like presently, I have to scale my workouts (or skip them as I have been for the last 4 days). I have to be brutally honest with myself. My yoga practice has been pretty much a mirror to this, but I have trouble finding myself where I need to be: yin, restorative, flow, hatha, etc., many mornings. I think I’m expecting some great release (and honestly, I AM expecting my SI joint to pop in and reset and I AM disappointed/discontent when it does not).
I feel santosa much when I am in the flow, doing what I love, being of and part of the flow of Nature (hiking or at the beach), writing, doing crossfit, dancing without choreography, teaching yoga. Hmmmmm…and it doesn’t seem like hard work necessarily.