Resistance is the reason we stay stuck in patterns that keep us from thriving. You may have found that you regularly experience relief with meditation, prayer, positive affirmations, therapy, or any other type of personal growth, only to sabotage that great feeling with a limiting belief, negative comment, or addictive pattern. This experience continues to occur because the moment we lean toward the light, the darkness within us resists it.
-Gabrielle Bernstein, The Universe Has Our Back: Transform Your Fear to Faith
Day 314 – Okay, so we have a morning practice? Now, what? Today, Rolf writes that “in asana and meditation practice we have the opportunity to cultivate a sustained attention that we will be able to bring into our everyday lives.” Like many people, I try to cultivate this in my “regular” day, but the mysterious “it” eludes me. I begin to avoid “presence” because it is so painful.
For all my intentions and promises, yesterday was particularly painful. Ever since VAM scores came out, teachers have been increasingly testy and defensive. There is finger-pointing, grumbling, crying, and quitting. The reality of the testing culture trickles down to my son, I’m sure, as teachers must test and probe every standard to make sure the students are test-worthy. We do this by testing more. Coupled with today’s open season to ridicule, complain, and just plain be mean, in general, and the daily acts of violence occurring all around us, it has just been painful.
I shut off the news, I dance, I read, I sleep, I go to crossfit, I walk outside. I don’t know how to do, as Rolf suggests is the simpler act, just let go. How do I just let this shit go? In all honesty, I ask myself every day, why I go to work if all we are going to do is have endless conversations about testing and effective teaching and learning. Yet, I know the answer. I want school to be a better place. I want the world to be a better place. I want to be there for students who need me (and they do) and all their teachers, for that matter. And I want to come home and be there for my family. I want to let this go, but I also want to be a team player.
How does one get their hands dirty without wallowing in the mud?