Seeking my muse.


Day 315 – I awoke late today, more than an hour.  My eyes were pasted shut and they are still somewhat swollen, an indication that I did, indeed, need more sleep, even more than a few minutes shy of 8 hours, as I had planned.  My left leg is on fire with knots in the calf, deep gluteals, and inner thigh.  I imagine all the dancing and pilates and conscious effort to put even weight into the left leg and out of the right hip is revisiting me tenfold.  It kept me up most of the night, and even though Fred massaged it and that helped a lot, I kept wondering if this would always be the way.  Fascia pain is no joke.

The reading today is appropriate from the opening quote to the ending thought.  Rolf’s opening quote is from Henri J. M. Nouwen and states:  “When the deepest currents of our life no longer have any influence on the waves at the surface, then our vitality will eventually ebb, and we will end up listless and bored even when we are busy.”  Rolf says more frequent practice on the mat will cure this, writing “Regular practice generates a momentum as more…experiences follow, one after another.  We feel our life force flowing ever more freely, wherever it is needed.”

There’s a lot that could be said today.  I did visit my mat for a short meditation, but my heart and mind must not have followed.  As the day is an open invitation for opportunity, I will invite myself to be kind to others and especially myself.  At school, I am sure, much like I am feeling, they, too are burning the candle at both ends.  My patience (not with the kids but with the format and rigor of the day) is growing thinner and my intellect and heart scream that there has to be a better way.  So, too, I am frustrated with finding balance in my health and strength and stamina.  However, I will not avoid daily practice, even if it is short.  I will not avoid looking for inspiration EVERYWHERE.  I will seek my muse.


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